Testimony of a Grateful Saved Sinner
March 1, 2014 • By A Grateful Saved Sinner
God has done a phenomenal work in my life. Jesus truly saved me from myself. About 12 years ago I was a floundering, scared, anxious, often depressed alcohol dependent bulimic diagnosed with ptsd who found my worth and value in sexual intimacy with men. I had been in and out of a roller coaster relationship with a drug addicted man who abused me physically, emotionally, and mentally for nearly 9 years and I was absolutely emotionally devastated. I was so lost and hurting, my world was a dark place to put it mildly.
I was saved when I was 12, baptized in water and had a wonderful experience with our God for a very short time. Then when I was 15 I met a man who introduced me to new age spirituality and that fit the life that looked so appealing to me, so the enemy began to dominate my world. From that age all through my twenties I worshiped alcohol, partying, and men all the while struggling deeply with an eating disorder, which were all significant of the true issue, my lack of self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence and most of all self-love. I had no value as a person until God moved in a big way in my life back in 2002.
I went to a Christ centered treatment facility that year, the Salvation Army treatment center and when I reflect back that is the year I called on God in dire desperation, at a bottom I had never dreamed I would experience. While I did not complete my treatment there it had a big effect on my life. Later that same year God paved the way for a geographical move from my home town with a bar on every corner, to the place I live today, with a church at every country mile. While I continued to struggle with the old habits of alcohol, bulimia and men for a few years, I clearly see that God was working in my life all along the way.
I hit another bottom in 2005, at which time I fully surrendered my life to Jesus, in utter knowing that the alcohol and bulimia owned me, fully assured that, that behavior would bring me to a certain and untimely death. I will never forget calling out to Jesus once again in absolute desperation, like only a dying woman would do. It still amazes me to see how He answered! He wrapped his arms around my life and my world and guided me as I held onto Him for dear life every step up that mountain of healing.
I stand on top of that proverbial mountain today, still leaning on Him so completely, all the while He shines so brightly in and through me! Today I am 9 years free of bulimia, 7 years, 1 month and 15 days sober and going strong. I am fully committed to celibacy as I date at 40 years old. I am at this place, instead of being 6 feet under, all because of the phenomenal redemption power of a loving relationship with our most perfect savior, Jesus Christ. I have a very stable life as a single mom of two beautiful daughters, ages 7 and 21 and an amazing 2 year old grandson. My relationships with my oldest daughter, mom, and my siblings have experienced the love of Jesus and are fully repaired; while my youngest daughter has had an entire life of the benefits of a mother who knows how much she is loved by Jesus Christ. I have a very good and stable job in my accounting career. I am in the process of buying my very first home in a gated lake community with lots of wonderful amenities, none the less. I am working on my degree in Psychology with a dual major in Christian Counseling and Addiction and Recovery at Liberty University Online. All of these amazing blessings for a woman who 12 years ago was homeless, living in a recovery center, while my oldest daughter was being cared for by one of my older sisters.
With tears in my eyes and unspeakable gratitude in my heart, I am alive and abundantly well to testify that my life today in the loving embrace of our most perfect savior is like having a piece of heaven right here on earth, while I continue to hold onto Him, embracing Him so very tightly through this now beautiful, faith filled journey. Our God, through Jesus Christ, changed me on the inside, in a phenomenal way! He loved me so very completely when I could not love myself and that changed everything for me. Today I am a humbly confident lady who knows her worth and value in the Lord. I am the righteousness of Christ and for all the amazing work our God has done in me I stay forever grateful. Thank you Jesus!