Dear Ed,

I will give you some information about my life that you can pass on to anyone you like.

I was raised in a Baptist Church close to where I attend now. I was raised in, Maryland and have never left. I was baptized when I was 10 years old, after a revival, with about 15 other children (my older brother was one of them - 11 months older). Maybe it was the excitement, maybe it was because everyone else was doing it, maybe it was because my brother did it and I had to be "one up" on him. At the time, I'm not sure that I realized what it meant fully.

As time passed, my parents separated, my father would not pay child support for four children, and my mother had to work 2 - 3 jobs to make ends meet. Therefore, we (the four children) were left home alone alot - late at night on weekends because my mother was a bartender.

I suppose to find love in the wrong places is what led me to the drugs. I went along for three years hanging out with the "crowd" before I actually did anything. At 16, my brother was the one who actually got me "turned on" to marijuana. And from there is was onto anything that anyone had to get high. I stopped going to church (mainly because I had to sleep off whatever high I was on the night before) and I didn't search for God (although I know He was there the whole time.)

I wound up in an abusive relationship when I was 17 and stayed in this relationship until 19 (almost even married him). He beat me almost every other weekend, and I hit back. Finally, through much prayer on my mother's and grandparent's part, and I'm sure alot of other people, I broke up with him. This was a great relief to those who love me. But it was still not the end.

I met and married another man who was also into the drug scene. He didn't hit me so everyone thought he was great. I lived with him for a year before we got married. Even before we married, I knew it was wrong because I had feelings for someone else, but the wedding plans were already in the process and I didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Shortly after we were married, we decided to have a child and I became pregnant. I smoked marijuana during my pregnancy, and luckily my first daughter was a healthy child. She did have a low birth weight, though, and collicky too. Because of drugs, we had to sell the trailor we lived in and move in with his parents for about a year.

I knew being married to him was wrong and left him (went to stay at my mother's for a couple of days). Then I found out that I was expecting another child and went back. This time, I did not smoke anything and had another healthy girl, higher in weight.

When our second child was only one month old, I was freebasing cocaine and freaked out. I kept checking the girls, thinking they were going to stop breathing, looking outside for the cops, etc. It was the longest night in my life! I prayed to God that night that if He helped me get through the night I would never touch any drugs again. And HE did! And I Did! (Stopped doing drugs)

I left my husband when our second daughter was only 5 months old because he wouldn't stop doing drugs and we were in serious debt. Also, because I wouldn't do them with him anymore, he was going out/sleeping with another woman.

I finally divorced him - he gave me a really hard time about getting the divorce. I talked to my Pastor at the time, struggling with the "Till Death do us part" thing, but knew in the end it was best. I did not date anyone until I met my present husband (after I had been separated from my first husband 1 1/2 years). We dated for two years and married. He was not into the drug thing, only smoked cigarettes. I have been married to him now 10 years. During that time, I have constantly gone to church and looked to the Lord for guidance. It's wonderful how loving and forgiving the Lord can be when you've spit in his face for so long.

My husband came to know the Lord in September of 1994, was baptized, and is an active member of our church. We now have 4 daughters altogether. Our youngest is five and she knows nothing but going to church on Sunday mornings and evenings, and Wednesday nights. She even prays on Wednesday nights at prayer meetings! My oldest daughter is now 15, and thinks that people who do that kind of thing to themselves are stupid, and searching for something. I have always been honest about my past experience with my two oldest daughters, hoping that it will help them decide not to do those things. So far, it has worked.

It's a joy to see what the Lord can do with someone who thought they weren't worth much. I am now our Sunday School Director (4 years now), our VBS Director (this year will make 9), and the church Secretary. And I totally enjoy my life.

Looking for love in all the wrong places got me nowhere. Looking for love in the Lord gave me so much more!

I hope this helps!

In Christian Love,
Shari